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Archive for December, 2011

New Year’s Resolutions

Every year without fail, you can find me promising myself I’m going to turn into some kind of Superwoman next year.

Yes, next year is the year I’m finally going to do ALL of these things. (While making sure I last longer than January the 31st this time.)

- Stop being a scatterbrained dopey mare

This is the year I’m going to stop walking into rooms, get halfway into the middle of it and wonder what the blinkin’ heck I went into the room in the first place for.

I’m also going to stop  saying ‘where’s my keys?! Or where’s my phone?’ every five minutes (especially when I had them in my hands literally seconds earlier.)

I’ve bought myself a diary today in the sales, a little mini one I can write any dates and appointments in and carry it around in my handbag.

So when someone says ‘are you free on the 20th?’ or whatever day, I can just reply ‘let me check my diary’ and look in there rather than frantically spool back in my mind to try and remember and see if any dim memory flashes come back or I have a ‘ding dong’ flashing light bulb moment.

That’s if I remember to write in the bloomin’ thing in the first place.

- miraculously stick to the diet and lose 2 stones

This one is always so much easier to stick to at the beginning of January. Mainly because you’re that pig sick of the sight of mince pies, bread sticks, chocolates etc that the thought of fresh fruit and homemade vegetable soups leaves you positively salivating.

-Ditch the alcohol

As above. That much wine has been consumed, along with the junk food, that there’s no wonder you crave the fresh veg stuff so much.

Your poor old liver is practically sobbing and shouting ‘give me a break!’

So that’s what I’ll be doing in the New Year. (Trying) to give up the grog unless it’s for a special occasion or we’re on a night out for once. Not just because it’s a random day with the letter Y in it, or the kids have been doing my head in.

(Either that or booking myself into the nearest detox place if I realise I’m a lost cause. :-) )

-Turn into Anthea Turner

No, not literally. I’m not going to suddenly start bouncing around with an inane grin and annoy the hell out of everyone.

Just try and emulate her Perfect Housewife routine (minus the mahoosive house and the fact that she has no small kids. Yes, THAT’S why you have a show-home. Borrow my kids and husband for a few days, it’ll be like the local tip in two days flat.)

Oh yes, this is the year I’m going to keep on top of the housework and have my own little show-home going on.

(Providing the internet connection blows up and leaves me computer’less, that is.) Darn technology distracting me.

Now if I manage to achieve all that, I deserve a drink. Oh hang on………… bugger.

-

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Once upon a time, in a land before children, the thought of New Year’s Eve not spent in the pub was unthinkable.

Out in the local with friends, pressed up against the bar with hundreds of other sweaty bodies was the way to go. Then come midnight, grabbing random strangers for a New Year’s kiss and then the obligatory link of arms with the entire pub to the ‘Auld Lang Syne’ song as Big Ben finished chiming.

Anything else just wouldn’t have been New Year’s.

Now, we have different New Year’s Eve traditions. (It still involves some drink. Well it IS New Year. Isn’t it the law or something to have alcohol on New Year’s Eve?! No? Oh well, it should be. :-)

The past few years have seen us order a Chinese take-away for tea/supper. Oh, it’s not allowed to be anything else. This year I have suggested getting an Indian take-away just for varieties sake, but the 8 year old is having none of it. He loves his traditions, just like I do with Christmas. In his eyes, New Years Eve simply wouldn’t be the same without Chinese food.

So we’ll duly be ordering stuff like vegetable spring rolls, fried rice, sweet and sour chicken balls, noodles and chow mein.  Mmm.

(It’s made more of a treat to him I think due to the fact we never usually have it at any other time of the year! )

Then, when we’re all suitably stuffed, and the 4 year old is snoozing away upstairs, the 8 year old is downstairs refusing to go to bed as ‘he needs to stay up to midnight to hear Big Ben bong.’

Which means he’ll be adamant he’s staying wide awake then be snoring his little head off on the sofa by 9pm. So there we’ll leave him with his duvet and pillow, ready to wake him up at ten to midnight in time to listen to the ‘bongs’, all the singing and watch the New Year come in to all the fireworks lighting up the night sky along the River Thames.

Then when it comes to waking him, he’ll boing up like a jack in the box and deny all knowledge of ever being asleep in the first place as ‘he was awake all along.’ (Said while sporting a severe case of bed head hair and bleary half asleep eyes to contradict himself. :-) )

Even half asleep, he still never fails to be in awe of Big Ben chiming, the sheer number of people out celebrating, and the fireworks display.

Full of New Year’s cheer, he makes his way up to bed where we’ll whisper ‘happy new year’ to his snoozing little brother as well.

Until next year….

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Christmas at the seaside :-)

 

 

 

What better way to spend a blustery day then walking at the beach followed by fish and chips?!

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Christmas Day is over, and a brand sparkly new Year is on the horizon. What things is it going to bring?

Here are my (tongue in cheek) predictions

 

- A whole new glut of reality ‘entertainment’ shows. Not content with flooding our TV series with enough fame hungry wannabes, there’ll be a load more.

Forget Made In Chelsea, The Only Way is Essex, Desperate Scousewives and Geordie Shore – next year I’m predicting even more of the desperados on screen.

The Norfolk ‘Broads’

Viva Cas Vegas

Desperate in Doncaster

Your telly will be completely taken over by big hair and screeching nobodies.

 

Jordan (Katie Price? whatever she’s calling herself nowadays) will have reeled in a new sucker man and will be pregnant again by the end of the year.

 

-The X Factor bosses see sense and ditch the muppet that is Louis Walsh and replace him with the altogether more superior muppet Statler that took his place in the Olly Murs Dance With Me Tonight part of the show.

He’d be a lot more entertaining in my opinion and might even chuck some fruit on stage at the really bad acts. He’d be a great heckler. :-)

 

-Baby Harper Beckham will bring out her own designer clothing range to rival her mum’s collection. No self respecting baby would be seen in anything else.

Designer bibs, anyone?!

 

 

 

 

 

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So, after all the months of preparation, present buying and the general build up, Christmas is now once again over for another year.

The children have been kept momentarily quiet with the novelty of their new toys, and the Christmas films on TV, and I’ve consumed my body weight in mince pies, Pringles, and glasses of wine resulting in a stomach that feels a lot like a bowling ball.

Boxing Day here consists of going to visit the parents for a Christmas buffet – turkey sandwiches, cheesy jacket potatoes, bhajis, crisps and a table full of other goodies which explains the stomach overload.

Next stop will be the local pub for a night out and more wine supping, on top of a glass of my dad’s home made ‘blow your head off’ wine, which I’d better not drink too much of before venturing out or I’ll just be asleep on the sofa instead.

Merry ‘Hic’mas and hope you’ve all had a great one! :-)

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The ultimate Christmas meme..

As a lover of all things Christmas. I’ve been tagged in this post by http://redrosemummy.blogspot.com/  to show my fondness of all things festive.

 

1.  The Christmas song I can listen to even in June is…

 

Even though I’d be slightly averse to hearing Christmas songs in the middle of June (it’s not quite the same when the sun is blazing down and you’re not consuming your own body weight in mince pies) I could happily listen to The Pogues Fairytale of New York. Although it would sound a lot better in December, as that’s when you know Christmas has truly arrived…  at the first strains of “you scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot…” :-)

 

Hot chocolate, egg nog or mulled wine?

 

Ooh, definitely mulled wine. There’s nothing better than a simmering pan of mulled wine on Christmas Eve – red wine, cinnamon sticks and orange juice all gently simmering away on the hob…. then supping in front of the telly….

 

When do you put your decorations up?

The decorations go up on the 1st weekend in December. We make a morning of it – on go the cheesy Christmas songs, and out come the tree and decorations. It just wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t accompanied by a bit of Slade, Wizzard, Mariah Carey or Wham….

 

 What are you having for Christmas dinner?

As husband is a vegetarian. we’re a very mixed household – on the one hand he’ll be having a nut roast with all the trimmings, mother in law will be bringing along with her a turkey for us meat eaters and we’ll also be tucking into pigs in blankets. Let’s face it Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without those little sausages and bacon parcels….

 

 What’s your favourite Christmas tradition?

Oh, now that’s a hard one. We have loads of Christmas traditions in this house. From the stocking that gets hung on the mantlepiece on Christmas Eve, to the advent calendar counting down the days to Christmas. If I had to choose, I’d say the advent calendar – I still enjoy them at my age! Well chocolate is for all ages…..

 Have you ever gone carol singing?

 

Um, no. Have you heard me sing?! I’d get a bucket of water chucked over me if I tried! Actually, I can hold a tune but I have a severe case of singing shyness that would prevent me ever singing in public.

 

When did you discover the truth about Santa?

What?!  I still believe, and won’t have you telling me otherwise. He’s real, OK?! :-) Seriously, if you want to believe, then the magic is always there… go watch some Christmas movies and get that magic back… :-)

 

  How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

With some cheesy Christmas music on. two pairs of little hands helping me, and me trying to untangle the lights.

 

All I want for Christmas is…

I honestly don’t know what I want for Christmas this year. I’ve got a few dvd boxsets and books on my list I really hope I get – but apart from that today I’m hoping friends get their wish and everything they hoped for to finally come true…

 

 

 

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As a complete bookaholic, I can confirm there’s nothing better than getting lost in the magic of the written word in the form of a bedtime story.

It doesn’t matter where you are when you have a book, as you can be taken to different places in an instant.

In the case of Christmas, you can be transported to a place of wonder and excitement to make the (already hyper) children even more excited.

Here are a couple of Christmas favourites in our house.

 

Mr Men a Christmas Carol

A Mr Men take on the classic Christmas story.

 

The Night Before Christmas

“T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…”

So begins the first verse of this most famous poem.

 

Mr Men a Christmas pantomime

Little Miss Trouble’s being a pain in the bum again… she hasn’t been offered a part so when things start to go ‘funny’ at the pantomime rehearsals, there’s a strong suspicion who it could be….

You can’t beat a good bedtime story. Especially Christmas ones. :-)

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Christmas with kids. It’s what brings the magic back to Christmas.

Remember when you were a kid and you used to put out things for Santa and get giddy for when he arrives?! Then when you were older, the magic got lost. However great it was to be out in the pub until all hours on Christmas Eve just because you CAN, half the fun at Christmas is the child like enjoyment that comes with it.

So THAT’S what we have kids for. So the grown ups can act like big kids too.

On Christmas Eve, we’ll be having a party buffet style tea. Something along the lines of sandwiches, pizza slices, crisps, quiche etc.

When all that’s been cleared away and we’re all junked up, the two small people will be extremely giddy (nothing new there then) and will set about getting ready for Father Christmas.

Out will go a mince pie and a glass of milk or a small sherry for him (just a small one, mind, don’t want him drink driving that sleigh :-) )

and a carrot for Rudolph to keep his energy levels up for all that sleigh pulling.

The stockings will be hung on the mantlepiece in the hope that the next morning they will be full of presents (let’s hope they’ve been good this year) and the sack goes at the end of the bed.

We’ve even been given some special ‘reindeer dust’ this year to sprinkle outside to guide the way for Rudolph.

Reindeer dust..

simply tie a mixture of porridge oats and glitter into a little polythene bag

and tie at the top.

Attach a little gift tag with a little poem or note about sprinkling glitter on the path for Santa to find his way.

 

Which the eldest straight away said “ooh that’s brilliant, it’s porridge oats and glitter!”  It’s starting, the magic is slowly slipping away for him… :-(

So, will Santa have been in the morning? Yes, little children, you’d better make sure you go to sleep straight away as he won’t come if you’re wide awake, you know….

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As all around me scoffed mince pies,

I was thinking of my thighs.

Instead I shunned the wine and chips,

Thinking they’d go to my hips.

Yes,  I know I could do better,

I didn’t stick to it to the letter.

I may have snuck some glasses of wine,

but just a few is surely fine?!

My ‘hard’ work lost me half a stone

The exercise classes gave a bit more tone.

Now my legs  may not be so wobbly,

The aerobics, however – made them a bit more ‘hobbly’.

Sparkly dress shopping is next on the list

For any Christmas nights out (hopefully won’t be too ******)

Next year, I promise I’ll try much harder

and will stay away from the treats in the larder.

:-)

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“T’is the season to be jolly, tra la la la la, la la la laaaaaaa :-)

Oh, who am I kidding. We’re day two into the holidays and already the fighting between the two of them has started already. Who had what toy first,  blah blah bloomin’ blah.

This weeks Britmum’s blog prompt asks us to write a ‘How To’ guide to surviving Christmas. If anyone has any more suggestions, feel free to add them.

How to survive Christmas with your sanity (and your hair) intact….

-Lots of Christmas dvd’s, so if they are being exceptionally rowdy and playing that infernal wrestling game with each other that ALWAYS ends in tears, peace can be restored by sitting them down to watch Mickey’s Christmas Carol or Raymond Brigg’s Father Christmas.

Restore your inner peace with a cup of tea  a rant on twitter

 

letting them out for a daily breath of fresh air

Having two over excited little boys is just like having a pair of giddy puppies…. to keep them chasing their tails inside and going berserk make sure they get a good run in the park or outside every day to let off all that boisterous steam… or you’ll end up bananas.

Just a pity you can’t get away with putting them on a leash though. Oh well….. *

 

Christmas spirits (no, not the clanking ghosts of Christmas tales)

Well, it is Christmas. Buy yourself a nice bottle of something you never usually buy, and have a nice little glass of it when they’ve gone to bed. T’is the season to be jolly, after all.

This year I think I’m going to go the route of buying a nice bottle of Taboo. Haven’t had that since I was about 18, so a nice nostalgic slurp of that will do the trick. :-)

 

Merry Christmas and hope you all keep relatively sane!

*disclaimer* – no child has ever been put on a leash. Although it’s tempting when they run about screaming and shouting with giddiness like headless chickens and charge off everywhere :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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