Once upon a time, there was a time I’d be having great nights out in the local pubs, followed by a stagger to the nightclubs for some cheesy music and dancing until silly o’clock in the morning.
Nowadays, two children and a considerably few years later, I’m more than happy having a cosy night in in front of the tellybox with a bottle of El Plonko Gringo and a family sized bag of Doritos.
With £750 worth of John Lewis vouchers I could forgo the Doritos and splash out on something a little bit pricier.
For my ideal night in, I’m calling in babysitting favours and the grandparents are having the small people for an overnight sleepover. (Hey, it’s my fantasy party, after all… )
I’m going to have someone to meet and greet the guests at the door and take their coats (ooh, get me) and show them in whereupon they will be furnished with a cocktail such as a Cosmopolitan or a Daiquiri, made by my own cocktail waiter who will be making like Tom Cruise in Cocktail all night, twirling shakers down his arm, throwing ice up into the air and making sure our glasses are never empty.
Look, I’ve even got a cocktail shaker already.
For tonight, I’m also in charge of the music. (The controls are usually wrestled off me, as apparently I have dubious taste, but no, not tonight.)
We’re going to have some Abba, some YMCA, and after a few of those cocktails we might even all do the Conga.
To soak up the cocktails, there’ll be a buffet table.
- cheese platter
- crusty bread
- smoked salmon
- obligatory bowls of crisps and cocktail sausages.
- maybe even a cheese and onion on a stick hedgehog
or if you fancy something a bit more substantial, there’ll be a big vat of chilli bubbling away with basmati rice and tortillas to serve.
There’ll be a waiter on hand to ladle out the food.
I’m splashing out on a Playstation so we can sing karaoke on Singstar, because after all those cocktails we’ll be convinced we’re Kylie.
Sod the neighbours. (What’s not to like about my drunken singing?!)
In the early hours of the morning, we can all Conga off to bed to go to sleep.
Assuming we’re still awake and not snoozing under a table somewhere…..