Every year without fail, you can find me promising myself I’m going to turn into some kind of Superwoman next year.
Yes, next year is the year I’m finally going to do ALL of these things. (While making sure I last longer than January the 31st this time.)
– Stop being a scatterbrained dopey mare
This is the year I’m going to stop walking into rooms, get halfway into the middle of it and wonder what the blinkin’ heck I went into the room in the first place for.
I’m also going to stop saying ‘where’s my keys?! Or where’s my phone?’ every five minutes (especially when I had them in my hands literally seconds earlier.)
I’ve bought myself a diary today in the sales, a little mini one I can write any dates and appointments in and carry it around in my handbag.
So when someone says ‘are you free on the 20th?’ or whatever day, I can just reply ‘let me check my diary’ and look in there rather than frantically spool back in my mind to try and remember and see if any dim memory flashes come back or I have a ‘ding dong’ flashing light bulb moment.
That’s if I remember to write in the bloomin’ thing in the first place.
– miraculously stick to the diet and lose 2 stones
This one is always so much easier to stick to at the beginning of January. Mainly because you’re that pig sick of the sight of mince pies, bread sticks, chocolates etc that the thought of fresh fruit and homemade vegetable soups leaves you positively salivating.
–Ditch the alcohol
As above. That much wine has been consumed, along with the junk food, that there’s no wonder you crave the fresh veg stuff so much.
Your poor old liver is practically sobbing and shouting ‘give me a break!’
So that’s what I’ll be doing in the New Year. (Trying) to give up the grog unless it’s for a special occasion or we’re on a night out for once. Not just because it’s a random day with the letter Y in it, or the kids have been doing my head in.
(Either that or booking myself into the nearest detox place if I realise I’m a lost cause. )
–Turn into Anthea Turner
No, not literally. I’m not going to suddenly start bouncing around with an inane grin and annoy the hell out of everyone.
Just try and emulate her Perfect Housewife routine (minus the mahoosive house and the fact that she has no small kids. Yes, THAT’S why you have a show-home. Borrow my kids and husband for a few days, it’ll be like the local tip in two days flat.)
Oh yes, this is the year I’m going to keep on top of the housework and have my own little show-home going on.
(Providing the internet connection blows up and leaves me computer’less, that is.) Darn technology distracting me.
Now if I manage to achieve all that, I deserve a drink. Oh hang on………… bugger.