To the untrained eye, a games console such as the Wii or Playstation is a fun pastime to keep the children happy and occupied.
To the more initiated though, they’re a torture device with some kind of mind warping facility that can render the most placid of children into rabid, foul mouthed demon monsters.
They’ll lull you into a false sense of security by being lovely and calm, so you let them turn it on for a nice game of FIFA football or whatever.
Then halfway through the game, if you so much as dare to say something to them, their language has changed beyond all recognition.
It’s morphed from English into some kind of grunt that only apes and chimpanzees would have a chance of understanding.
“We’ll be going out in a bit. So another ten minutes and then turn it off.”
<ten minutes later>
“Turn it off now, your time’s up.”
After a while of going round in circles, you end up unplugging it at the wall because they just won’t turn off the bloody thing. (Don’t worry, they won’t be in the middle of a game. They’ll have finished that, and just be doing something VITALLY important such as farting around choosing someone different for their team.)
To which you’ll get a round of Kevin The Teenager type wailings.
“It’s so UNFAIR! I HATE you! You’ve ruined my LIFE!”
Stomp, stomp crash.
Even the innocent Mario Kart isn’t immune from a bit of sibling rivalry.
Mario, you see is a two player game which means they can both play together at the same time racing each other round the track.
Which you’d think would be all nice and lovely.
Nope, it just means that you get a double helping of bratty behaviour instead.
Two lots of “ugg” if you say anything.
Or whinging. “He’s deliberately driving in front of meeee!”” “Make him STOP!”
“Waaah!!” or some such rubbish.
Give. Me. Strength.
Not to mention the complete attitude and back chat you get for the hour or so after you’ve turned the blasted consoles off.
It’s like their personalities have been changed.
A recent experiment saw me unplug all consoles (Wii, Playstation) and hide the Nintendo DS’s so they can’t play on them either.
One whole week of absolute bliss and nice, calm children.
The minute they got plugged back in though? All hell broke loose.
So this is why they’ve been unplugged for weeks now, as it makes for a much more calm environment.
So are they getting plugged back in?