As mum to a now 7 and an 11 year old, I have spent quite a lot of time over recent years organising children’s parties.
Parties used to be held at home with a handful of your best friends. Pass the parcel, musical statues, sandwiches and jelly and ice cream. Minimal fuss, minimal expenditure.
Whilst these types of parties still exist, there’s a whole new breed of parties that have sprung up that just weren’t really the norm when we were all small.
Nowadays, soft play centres can be hired for a few hours, at considerable cost per child. Mine used to love soft play parties, and got to play in the ball pools for an hour with all their friends and have a party tea too laid on by the staff afterwards.
On average anything up to £10 per child, it added up when you used to invite most of the class.
All well and good, but when the venue asks for definite numbers a few days before the party, you start to steam between the ears at the sheer damn RUDENESS of some of the parents who, for some reason, either can’t be arsed to reply, or are incapable of reading the invitation properly to see when a response is needed by.
So you’d inevitably end up chasing up parents in the school playground, asking if they were coming, and then dutifully reporting back to the soft play centre with numbers.
If you think that’s stressful enough, it got even worse when, after saying that they’d come, you’d always get at least one or two that just didn’t bother to turn up after you’d paid for them. Therefore a party bag and meal going to waste.
As the eldest’s birthday is at the end of the summer holidays, there’s no school to remind people. So you’d be wondering if everyone would bother turning up.
Nearly everyone did, but there’d always be one or two entitled people who’d say they were coming and then not bother.
One party, three people decided to do just this, which left me paying approximately £30 in total for three no shows. Grrrr.
So, if I was a bit more ballsy, I’d have done exactly what Julie Lawrence did when one dad decided that actually, he had something better to do that day and bogged off to the grandparents for the day instead.
Instead of telling her, or you know, just honouring the first thing that you said you’d do instead of ditching in favour of something else that comes your way.
Imagine if everyone did that? There’d be nobody at the poor child’s birthday.
Manners, people. If you can’t be bothered to go, SAY so before wimping out on the day and landing the host with a bill they didn’t need to pay.
Good on you Julie, even if you were a bit heavy handed and OTT. I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from! 🙂
What does everyone else think?
Boy gets sent invoice for missing birthday party
So you’
Love that you’ve taken the opposite view to the majority. I wouldn’t bill someone, or even consider it, but it is annoying when people don’t turn up after they say they will. We’ve brought our kids up to be committed – if you say you’re going to do something, you do it! And if you’re not going to do it, say so nice and early! Like you say, it’s manners and common decency.
It’s so rude to just not turn up, it drives me mad! I’m far too much of a wimp to send an invoice for missing a party, but I can totally see why she did! 🙂
No shows for parties have always existed though – I think if you are hosting a party then you need to factor in the no shows. And if you choose to book and an expensive venue and expect everyone’s behaviour to change because of this, well that is just daft. So while it certainly is rude/unpleasant to RSVP and then not show up, as the host of the party you need to be realistic about it.
The real villains here (if there are any) are the venues, making parents pay for no shows. Of course the venue needs a degree of protection as to numbers, but it should be perfectly OK for most places to take a booking of say 8-10, or 4-6 children, numbers to be confirmed on the day.
Unless venues are expected to provide bespoke or personalised food they could be flexible if they wanted to. But they don’t, and we parents are silly/desperate/pretentious enough to book them anyway.
Yes, if anyone’s at fault really, it should be the venue. There should be some leniency on their part if some fail to show!
mmm, I can see where you are coming from, but…………… I would want to be certain that the invitation had arrived at a parent, that the parent could read and understand (not always a given), and I think that if you are going to invoice for a no show then this should be stated on the original invitation not kept in reserve for a non attendee.
However, what if the child is ill? Would you invoice then? What if the child had been badly behaved and not attending the party was a punishment for the child? both valid reasons for non attendance (albeit the parent should contact and advise as soon as possible but if after the numbers had been given to the venue).
I feel that these type of parties put an awful lot of pressure on parents (both those giving and those attending) and I am not sure that I would want to give one or have my children attend one (mine are now past this stage).
This isn’t just isolated to children’s parties though is it? It’s a symptom of a general lack of manners across lots of age groups & invited guests.
We spent approximately £50 a head at our wedding breakfast to have two couples as a ‘no show’. I wished I’d have billed them too!
That’s definitely true – it does seem to boil down to a distinctive lack of manners in society as a whole.
Common courtesy should prevail!
I can definitely see the frustration of the party organiser. But nor do I agree with how the mum who invoiced the no-show went about dealing with her frustration. It was overly aggressive and reminded me of the worst of US society where legal action seems to be the default. Surely its better to talk about the situation first? As a possible solution to the invitation administration I recommend http://www.eventbrite.com where you can sell tickets to your event. This lets you make any cost clear, tracks numbers of guests and allows everyone to keep in touch.
Bad manners on both sides, I think. But yes, I see your point.
What I find puzzling in the whole debate is that both the mum who put the invoice in the backpack and the dad who went to the media with the story and long face have grossly disregarded the effects this circus might have on their children, who have their own social life and social rules. Their own children were completely secondary, almost inexistent, in this affair. What good is to throw a fancy birthday party if you can’t teach your child about friendship, closeness and respect for others? Inviting to such a special occasion people who you can’t get in touch with or have no idea how to get in touch with you is sad. This was not a wedding (this comparison was made in many comments but I suspect one doesn’t have a wedding every year), it was a party for a 5 years old! A five years old! Not even a “sweet 16” or 18 or whatever. Better teach them to form and keep close & true friendships rather than instil the idea that their worth is given by how big and fancy their birthday party is. It has become so business-like and vacuous and we drag our children in it so early in their life when we should know better. One can say “The child wants it, it makes her happy!” Children want many things and many other things make them happy. It is our job to teach them how to navigate their wants and desires (among other things) ans still make them feel treasured and respected.
There is nothing more frustrating than no shows but unfortunately it does happen. It is so rude when parents don’t RSVP or turn up on the day but I think this whole invoice thing is absolute lunacy! Imagine the poor child in the middle of it all? They would be forever remembered for the overreaction of their parent. I can only echo what others have said too about the venue actually being in the wrong for charging for people who aren’t there. Surely it would make more sense to give an estimate of numbers then confirm before paying up on the day? I can’t help but think that children’s parties are so stressful because we let them be. Family tea parties at home win every time for us!
Parties have turned into nightmares! I’ll be sticking with one or two friends around for pizza I think. Stumbled for you x
Thank you, appreciated! 🙂 Pizza and a few friends sounds like a MUCH better idea! 🙂